Broken Dolls and Dead Fireflies
by Kelsey Pearl
Summary: I greet my people with a false smile. Their cheers ring dully in my head. They'll never see the lies I've created to protect myself. Warning: Mentions of rape. Zelda POV


I always saw myself as different. Perhaps not in a bad way, but in an odd way.

I never played with toys. The dolls with their frilly clothing and porcelain faces rested on my shelves, untouched and dusty. They were cold to touch. I never laughed freely. It sounded strange, coming from my mouth, so I only did so when forced. I never had friends. My nursemaids and future ladies of court would try to entertain me, but their voices rang dully in my head, boring me.

Instead, I read. Books upon books of history and legends, learning about the land of Hyrule and distant realms. I feasted upon information as a starving vulture, my knowledge surpassing even the best of scholars. Instead, I sat at meetings. My father would discuss politics with the neighboring Gorons and Zoras, with me keeping track of the exchanges and promises.

I heard the whispered words of those around me, but they could do nothing to get me off track. I was odd, yes, but as Princess of Hyrule, they had little say over what I did. I was held above the laws of society, able to converse with the men or sew with the women. Many liked my oddities though, giving me even more freedom.

However, I was still a bird in a cage. Sitting dutifully in lessons, I learned of my destiny, how to become a proper ruler, and what skills I needed to act like a Queen. I would gaze out the window of my high tower, watching those below smile and run about in the streets. Jealous and alone, I learned how to conceal my emotions. Better not to show those around me my weakness, something I learned from reading tactics of war.

I practiced with a blade, even though I would never use it. I hoped it would give me meaning, to learn how to protect myself. It just made me feel worse. Depression seeped into the cracks of my mind. I did not cry, though tears threatened to fall at least thrice.

My father, sick on his death bed, plead for me to become who I wanted. I just smiled, my eyes sad, as his drifted off, eyes damp. I did not grieve long, my duties as a Princess to dire to have the luxury of mourning.

Then Zant came. The blade fell from my hand easily, clattering against the floor. I bowed my head, letting him lead me away. I let him take my innocence before he went, holding on to his promise of not hurting my people. I could have flown free and defied him, but as ruler, was expected to be for the people. My wishes mattered little.

Midna came soon, sweeping in with an air of grace. I knew who she was from the start, and treated her accordingly. She would laugh at my traditions and routines, and I would bow my head. A fallen ruler had no rights. She was the same as me, fallen and broken, but she had more freedom. She was, even shrouded in shadows and darkness, my guiding light.

I was born odd, so it did not surprise me when my feelings surpassed that of adoration and respect. I wanted her as more, though she flicked me off. _"I am not your escape, Zelda. Your feelings are confused." _It was a lie that we both sang to. She was afraid, I was hurt. She loved me, told me so many times, but would not come close. I touched her once, grabbing her hand to keep her with me. She found Link shortly after.

Zant came and went as he pleased, using me for his sick desires. The weight of his lust hurt, but I endured. When he caught me after I almost jumped from my window, saving me from instant death, he almost killed me myself. But he let me hang on to life, bleeding and broken. I was grateful. A dead ruler would do no good.

I saved Midna when she came with Link, sick and broken. He looked horrified at her condition. I touched her forehead, ignoring the feeble protests. When I gave her my life force, her screaming, I felt my heart clench. I loved her. She needed to go on.

I do not remember after that well. When the final battle came round, my body used as a weapon, I could feel every hit. Link's blade cut through my soul, the pain unmeasurable. Midna sent us away, taking her life.

I used my arrows to hurt Ganondorf, wounding him greatly. With each one, I muttered her name under my breath. My past need for meaning served me well as the man feel from his steed, taking a fighting stance. I watched silently.

Zant was the real one who killed him though. Link dd not see it, his ghost ending the Evil King's life, but I did. Maybe it was my eccentric tendencies that allowed me to witness such a thing. I would not know.

Midna smiled at me when her true form revealed. She was more illuminated, the barest remains of my Triforce piece still inside her.

We had a private goodbye. I did cry, for the first time, in front of her as she explained her plan. My Wisdom made me accept it. My heart turned the notion away. She took my hand, holding it to her heart, and kissed me softly.

She shattered the mirror without a backwards glance. I silently thanked her.

Link was heartbroken. My morals screamed to comfort him, but I was selfish. I sent him home. A hero does not live in his legacy forever. He hates me for it. When he speaks my title, I hear the bitterness of the tone. I see the fire of hate in his eyes. But I smile warmly, encouraging it. He had something to live for.

_"What happened to you during the war?" _He asked once, over tea. I saw the true curiosity in his tone.

I did not tell him how I was scared.

I did not tell him how I was alone.

I did not tell him how I was raped.

I did not tell him how I was almost killed.

I did not tell him how I lost my love.

No, I replied with a frown. _"I worried over you and Midna. That is all." _He would never understand how that lie has put such a burden on me. My lies have piled up since I was crowned Queen two years ago. Now, at age twenty-two, I am the youngest ruler ever to live. I was honored with a celebration, and another lie.

Now, I sit here, holding one of my old porcelain dolls in my hands. It's painted is faded and cracking, the once ruby red lips a pale pink, and it's cheeks cracked. I find it ironic that years later, the doll still resembles me. It is cold to touch (my hands), unchanging in appearance (my face), and shows nothing (my emotions). I hear my name, being called. Another meeting. Another day.

Outside, the night is falling. Twilight settles over the land. I am still strange as ever. I can see fireflies below, lighting the darkened ground and sky. They will die soon, forgotten until another comes along.

I can hear her voice in my head. _"You think your weird? Zelda, if anything, your the most normal thing is this damned world!"_

I let the doll fall from my hands, the pieces breaking on the floor. I stand, brushing off my dress. I have to let go of the past now. Birds in cages don't fly free. Rulers don't have choices. And almost romances never stay around.

I greet my people with a false smile. The cheers ring dully in my head.


End file.
